WIRETAPPED

“It did not take more than a second-and-a-half to become horrified.”

Carrie Scott remembers the moment, five years ago, when she picked
up the phone and accidentally heard a conversation between her 12-year-old daughter
Jenni and their next door neighbor, a 38-year old married man.

“Immediately the conversation made it abundantly clear,” Scott
recalls, “that he was molesting her.”

Scott’s husband, David, describes the phone conversation as
“sexually explicit,” filled with “innuendo of sexual games going on.”

Games that Jenni now admits went beyond phone sex.

“A lot of the things that were talked about in the conversations,”
Jenni says, “actually happened.”

But at the time, in 1995 when she was just 12, Jenni denied
everything. And the police said there was insufficient evidence to charge the
neighbor. So the Scotts began taping their daughter’s conversations.

“I was really upset that they had done that,” Jenni says, “and
I was pretty much furious with them.”

But experts say in extreme situations like Jenni’s, taping a
child’s phone calls is justified.

Psychologist Anthony Levitas: “There would have to be really
good reason or suspicion that something illegal or dangerous was occurring.”

But Levitas also warns that parents tempted to tape, or even
just listen in on their kid’s phone calls when there isn’t good reason, could
be playing a dangerous game. One that could permanently cost them their child’s
trust.

“It can be really damaging to the relationship with the child,”
Levitas says. “I think it’d be very hard to conceal that level of constant mistrust
from a child. Children are pretty perceptive.”

But for Jenni, the cassette tapes containing explicit conversations
with her neighbor serve as a reminder that her parents were right to listen
in. And Jenni has long since forgiven them for eavesdropping.

What Parents Need to See Before They React

Experts feel that it is important to have a clear indication that
your child is in harm’s way or in violation of the law before invading the child’s
privacy. Going into thei room and snooping around without probable cause is
not a good message for trust. You yourself need to be a good model for your
children – if you have trust in them, they will in turn have trust in you. If
you are starting to see a dramatic change in your children’s behavior, talk
to them. Let them know that you have noticed a change and ask how you can help.
Open communication is key. If they are unresponsive to your concerns, explore
other avenues such as talking to their friends, teachers, coaches, or other
parents who might influence their care. Therapy may also be an outlet that will
help to open some doors for building communication.

Source: Dr. Anthony Levitas, Licensed Clinical
Psychologist

Normal Adolescent Development

Parents are often worried or confused by changes in their teenagers.
Each teenager is an individual with a unique personality and special interests,
likes and dislikes. However, there are also numerous developmental issues that
everyone faces during the adolescent years. The normal feelings and behaviors
of the middle school and early high school adolescent are described below:

• Movement towards independence: struggling with identity, one’s body, self-concept,
  peer group influenced clothing styles, moodiness, using speech to express
  one’s self, identification of their faults and parents faults
• Future interests and cognitive changes: interested in present and limited
  thoughts on future, intellectual interests expand and gain in importance,
  greater ability to do work (physical, mental, emotional).
• Sexuality: increased interest in opposite sex, displays of shyness and modesty,
  concerns over sexual attractiveness to others, frequently changing relationships,
  worries about being
• Morals, values, and self-direction: development of ideals and selection
  of role models, capacity for abstract thought, testing rules and limits, experimentation
  with sex and drugs.normal.

Source; American Academy of Child and Adolescent
Psychiatry

Resources

American Academy of Child
and Adolescent Psychiatry

Interview: Dr. Anthony Levitas, Licensed Clinical Psychologist