Salma says that in the past couple of years, after the 9/11
tragedy and now the war in Iraq, she’s heard it all.

“I’ve heard things such as, ‘Go back to
your country,’ ‘Why are you wearing that thing
on your head?’ and I’ve had people behind me talking
about how we need to get rid of all the Muslims,” Salma
says.

No hard numbers exist, but the American-Arab Anti-Discrimination
Committee says that physical attacks and hate-related crimes
against Arab-Americans and Muslims are rising.

Countless other Arab-Americans, like Salma, endure verbal
abuse.

“Everybody’s really been venting out their frustrations
in the hallway, usually directed at me,” Salma says.

Experts suggest that parents of all teens should sit down
and talk about discrimination based on how someone looks,
where they are from or how they pray.

Soumaya Khalifa, director of the Islamic Speakers Bureau
in Atlanta, recommends that you ask your teen to consider
some important questions the next he or she sees an Arab classmate.

“Have you put yourself in their shoes? Do you know
how they feel? Have you talked to them? Just challenge the
children,” Khalifa says.

Salma says that with the help of other students who cared,
the teens who insulted her were caught and disciplined. While
she has been scared, she is not surprised by some of the reactions.

“There’s always going to be somebody who will
judge you before they get to know you, who will make comments
about you and the way you look, the way you act, the way you
dress, the way you eat. Somebody’s always going to be
there to bother you. But if you handle yourself well and stay
a good person … hope for the best,” she says.

We are living in an
increasingly diverse society, but parents today are talking
about racism less than ever before. Research shows that a
parent’s failure to discuss prejudice can actually promote
it.

“We never really talked about it so it would probably
be awkward for us to discuss it now,” 16-year-old Stephen
says.

In a perfect world, parents teach their children to be colorblind,
but when parents are silent, others will influence their kids.

“Kids at a young age are given a lot of messages and
they have prejudices,” says Jay Kaiman of the Anti-Defamation
League. “And as with all things that are considered
to be negative, their good at covering up their attitudes
because they know that they are not the most popular.”

What do we mean by diversity? Diversity refers to different
races, religions, national origins, physical disabilities,
culture, gender, age, lifestyles, beliefs, values, practices,
laws, customs and traditions. Why is diversity important in
children’s and adults’ lives? Diversity can increase
the sense of one’s own identity, heighten awareness
of one’s own or other’s perspectives, prevent
inappropriate or offensive behavior, improve relationships
across cultures and help develop friendships and alliances
across a variety of barriers. Consider the following statistics
concerning diversity in the United States:

· Eight-five percent of the U.S. workforce is comprised
of women, minorities and immigrants.
· Over the next 20 years, the U.S. population will
grow by 42 million people. Of that 42 million, Hispanics will
account for 47% of the growth, African-Americans 22%, Asians
18% and Whites 13%.
· Physically and mentally challenged people comprise
the single largest minority group (approximately 45 million
individuals).

People want to downplay differences by not
talking about them, but when parents don’t talk, children
tend to guess about parent’s beliefs. Psychologists
say a lack of dialogue about race in school and at home can
promote negative stereotypes.

Parents and children can talk about prejudice, racism and
diversity by discussing the following questions together:

• What does diversity mean? Why is diversity important?
• Do you want to learn more about other people? Who? How
  can you learn more about other cultures?
• Define the terms “community” and “society.”
  What words or concepts do we associate with those terms?
• What do you like about your community? What do you not
  like about it?
• How can people in your community or in this nation learn
  to live together better?

Anti-Defamation
League
American-Arab Anti-Discrimination
Committee

Ross grew up in the Middle East,
and her children are witnessing firsthand how this war is
affecting her.

“I’ve been upset about the way my mom has been
reacting to the war and like how she’s always upset
and just like watching TV,” 12-year-old Yasmin Ross
says.

Yasmin and her younger brother, Kareem, were born in the
United States. They feel like
Americans, but their mother’s emotions are torn as she
thinks of her friends and relatives still living in her homeland.

“People who actually live in the Middle East, whose
lives are threatened … we have family in Iraq,”
Ross says.

“I try to comfort her in some way, but I can’t
really get in her head so it feels kind of troubled …
troubling for me to see my mother,” says Kareem, 10.

“I’m someone who’s been through wars before,
and I know how awful these … experiences are. And it
was something I couldn’t hide from them,” Ross
says.

Experts say it’s perfectly understandable for this
war to stir intense emotions for parents who grew up in the
Middle East.

“[But] do remember that their children’s identity
is based on an entirely different set of experiences than
the parents, that the children cannot feel the same way that
the parents do. And not to feel betrayed or you’re not
giving your kids the right perspective, because you can’t,”
says Dr. Sunaina Jain, a psychologist.

Experts say that regardless of your family’s background,
you can share your perspective with your child. Just remember
that kids are kids. Be able to recognize when the war news
and talk is too much and when it’s time to go on with
your daily life.

“Like I try to tell her that … don’t watch
the news and forget about it, but you can’t forget about
it, but I just try to make her feel OK,” Yasmin says.

No child is born a
bigot. According to the Anti-Defamation League (ADL), hate
is learned, and it can be unlearned. Immediately following
the terrorist attacks in New York and Washington, D.C., on
September 11, 2001, Muslims in the United States sometimes
became targets of threats and hate. Islamic schools were forced
to close their doors for several days. What can parents do
to teach their children religious tolerance?

Louise Derman-Sparks, a teacher and specialist in child development,
says that parents need to keep in mind three major issues
when talking to their children about prejudice and discrimination:

• Children are not colorblind. Children
  are acutely aware of our “shadings and gradations,”
  and they need matter-of-fact, simple and truthful explanations
  of these differences.
• Talking about differences does
  not increase prejudice in children. Being aware of
  differences is not the same as avoiding, ridiculing or fearing
  specific differences. Children learn biases from important
  adults in their lives, from the media, from books and from
  friends.
• It is not enough to talk about
  similarities among people. While we want our children
  to understand the things that bind us as human beings, it
  is equally important that they understand that shared characteristics,
  language and customs are expressed in different ways.

From the Anti-Defamation League, here is a
list of steps parents can do to prevent prejudice:

• Accept each of your children as unique and special. Children
  who feel good about themselves are less likely to be prejudiced.
• Help your children become sensitive to other people’s
  feelings. Studies indicate that caring, empathetic children
  are less likely to be prejudiced. Share stories and books
  with your children that help them to understand the points
  of view of other people.
• Teach your children respect and an appreciation for differences
  by providing opportunities for interaction with people of
  diverse groups. Studies show that children working and playing
  together toward common goals develop positive attitudes
  about one another.
• Help children recognize instances of stereotyping, prejudice
  and discrimination. Make sure they know how to respond to
  such attitudes and behaviors when they see them in action.
• Encourage your children to create positive change. Talk
  to your children about how they can respond to prejudiced
  thinking or acts of discrimination they observe. Confronting
  a friend’s discriminatory behavior is particularly hard
  for children, so they need to have a ready-made response
  to such instances. If another child is called a hurtful
  name, an observer might simply say, “Don’t call him
  that. Call him by his name.” Or, if your child is the
  victim, “Don’t call me that. That’s not fair.”
  Or, “You don’t like to be called bad names and neither
  do I.”
• Take appropriate action against prejudice and discrimination.
  For example, if other adults use bigoted language around
  you or your children, you should not ignore it. Your children
  need to know that such behavior is unacceptable even if
  it is from a familiar adult. A simple phrase will do: “Please
  don’t talk that way around my children.” Or, “That
  kind of joke offends me.” Adults need to hold themselves
  to the same standard they want their children to follow.

Anti-Defamation
League
Ontario
Consultants on Religious Tolerance