Exclusion

By Larry Eldridge, Jr.
CWK Network, Inc.

Children feel lonely for all sorts of reasons. The first step in helping your children is to identify the source of their lonely feelings. Have they been rejected by others, or is their exclusion self-imposed? Are they afraid of being alone, or do they prefer it? Consider the following types of loneliness, as explained by KidsEQ:

• Mourning – The feeling of sorrow that occurs after a death, a loss or a perceived loss. These events cause changes that emphasize a separateness your child may not have noticed before. Now he/she suddenly feels lonely. Often, this type of loneliness can be constructive, allowing time for re-dedication, growth, and adjustment to change.
• Nostalgia – A kind of loneliness or longing for the past that occurs when a family moves, divorces, or goes through a significant change. If your child is burdened with nostalgia, he/she may stay so focused on what was that he/she cannot experience life fully in the present.
• The “What Next” Stage – This is often referred to as “loneliness of the future.” Afraid to face the fear of loneliness, a child may become stuck in the present or feel paralyzed. He/she becomes unable to solve current problems that must be addressed before moving to future challenges — successes.
• Abandonment – Loneliness that occurs when a person has been abandoned or feels abandoned, either physically or emotionally. Children feel a sense of panic at being left entirely alone. This panic overshadows everything else, and children will do almost anything to avoid it.
• Being Alone – The feeling of separateness or space between you and others. While it is often experienced as “loneliness,” your child may feel it more positively, as simply “aloneness.” When alone, many people experience growth, exploration, creativity and pleasure.

By Larry Eldridge, Jr.
CWK Network, Inc.

When they are little, we teach our children not to talk to strangers, and to be cautious in certain situations. However, children also need to know how to meet new people, and how to assimilate into new groups. Consider the following tips developed by IndiaParenting.com:

• Invite children over to play with your child – particularly invite younger children. Playing with younger children can boost your child’s confidence. The older child tends to feel more in control and is less likely to be intimidated.
• Give your child advice about how to make friends. Not all children are born with this ability, so you may need to teach your child some social skills. Show them how to walk up to someone new, smile and say “hi.” Tell them to find friends with common interests, and to show interest in other children’s hobbies and ideas. 
• If your child is upset about his/her lack of friends, do not gloss over the situation. Be sympathetic and vocalize the way he/she must be feeling. Help him/her think of ways to make new friends, but don’t spoon-feed your child.
• When your child invites other children over, you can help break the ice by organizing a few games or activities before leaving them to play on their own. However, do not be overbearing or too demanding. That could prevent your child from learning to make friends on his/her own.
• Observe your child ’s interactions with friends, and talk about your observations later. Gently, point out where your child might be “off” in his/her friendship skills. Maybe your child is too bossy, not willing to share, or too quick to take offense. Explain this in a way that doesn’t make your child feel you, too, are against him/her.
• Encourage your child to make the effort and be persistent. If a child has turned down an invitation, tell your son/daughter that there’s no harm inviting that child over another time, instead of taking the rejection to heart and feeling hurt.
• Do not encourage competition with your child’s peers, and do not continuously compare your child to others. This will foster feelings of rivalry and insecurity rather than friendship.
• Do fun things with your children so they get the message that they are good company, fun to be around, and not boring (as he/she may secretly think).
• Enroll your child in a class that teaches a skill or supports a talent. Encourage him/her to participate in school events and/or team sports. These activities will widen your child ’s social circle and boost his/her confidence.

KidsEQ
India Parenting
FamilyFun