Young Girls Date Older Boys

Two years ago Kate Tyler started high school, and a senior asked her out. “The only thing he was interested in was something intimate. He didn’t care about my feelings or who I was or even what my middle name was – he just wanted one thing. And I knew,” she says.

The pressure is not just about sex.

A new study by Columbia University found when girls dated boys two or more years older, those girls were six times more likely to get drunk, six times more likely to smoke marijuana, and four times more likely to smoke cigarettes than girls who dated boys their own age.

Psychologist Dr. Carol Drummond says, “When girls are dating older boys they’re going to be more exposed to those risky behaviors and may not have the coping skills to say no at that point in time.”

Kate has heard the rumors about older guys: “That they can push them to whatever they want to do – like sex or whatever they want – drugs, alcohol.”

Kate has avoided the pressure partly because of the boy she chose to date. “He’s smart, and he’s nice, and I don’t know, he’s not crazy like some boys,” she says of her current boyfriend, who is a few years older.

Her parents have also helped protect her by getting to know the guys she dates and by setting clear ground rules. ”I have to be home by 12 o’clock – no excuses,” says Kate.

What’s Kate’s advice for other young girls? “Just say no. Because if they’re not going to respect you in that manner, maybe it would be smoking or drinking or whatever, then they’re not going to respect you farther down the road when they might want something else more intimate.”

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University found proof of what many parents have suspected for generations: It’s not a great idea for their daughters to date older boys. The CASA study found that teenage girls who date boys two years or more older are more likely to smoke, drink and use drugs. CASA says friends can reflect and even influence your child’s behavior.

“We found a tight connection between teen sexual behavior and dating and teen risk of smoking, drinking and using illegal drugs,” said CASA chairman Joseph Califano.

Among the statistics cited in the CASA study:

• Fifty-eight percent of girls who had boyfriends two years or more older drank alcohol, compared to 25 percent of the girls who dated boys their own age or not at all.
• Half of the girls dating someone at least two years older smoked marijuana, compared to 8 percent of the other girls.
• Sixty-five percent of girls dating older guys smoked cigarettes, whereas 14 percent of the other girls were smokers.
• Forty-five percent of teens say the reason they lost their virginity is because “the other person wanted to.”
• Thirty-two percent of teens say the reason they lost their virginity is because they were “just curious.”
• Twenty-eight percent of teens say the reason they lost their virginity is because they “hoped it would make the relationship closer.”
• Sixteen percent of teens say the reason they lost their virginity is because “many of their friends already had.”

CASA studies substance-abuse risk and tries to identify factors that increase or diminish the likelihood that teens will smoke, drink or use illegal drugs. The belief is that such information will empower parents — and their teenage children — to make the teen years drug-free.

CASA says, “Parents who become aware of certain dating and sexual behavior of their children should be alert to the increased risk of substance abuse.”

The Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States says, “Information about young people’s sexual behavior — from the attitudes they have to the decisions they make to the actions they take — can help parents communicate with their children.” And communication is of high importance. Consider the following:

• When asked, 42 percent of teens said they would like to “honestly” discuss dating with their parents at dinner; 30 percent feel the same on the topic of substance use.
• Sixty-four percent of teens don’t have sex because they “worry about what their parents might think.”
• Half of adolescents surveyed said fear of pregnancy and STDs is the main reason why adolescents don’t have sex.
• Twenty-six percent of adolescents said the main reason adolescents do not have sex is because of religion, morals and values.

CNN.com
The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University
Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States
Talk With Your Kids