Part Two– Kids’ Tricks to Hide Drug Use From Parents

When Chris’s
mom would catch him with drugs, he would say, “It’s
not mine, it’s Brian’s.” It’s a drug user’s
favorite lie: “I’m holding these drugs for a friend.” Chris,
who’s now 24-years-old says, “They’d find something
in my car…and my friend left it in there. Don’t get
mad at me for what my friends do. You know, it was never my fault.”

Heather Hayes, a licensed drug counselor says, “I’ve
heard everything from, ‘I didn’t know how it got there
in my pants pocket. Somebody must of put it there.’ And often
kids will lie to the bitter end, even with the evidence right in
front of them.”

The other big lie…“This is only the first time
I’ve tried drugs.” Chris says, “They think
your parents are going to allow you to experiment once. You could
always be like, ‘It was my first time…I didn’t
even like it.’”

Finally, Hayes says when drug users get caught, in desperation,
they’ll say, “‘Go ahead, drug test me. Please
drug test me. You’ll see I’m not on drugs.’ That
line disables parents. Parents will stop and say, ‘Well she
said to drug test her so she must not be using.’ Kids know
this.”

She says often kids don’t get caught using drugs until
they’re full blown addicts, and they don’t care any
more. Hayes says, “So they get sloppy. So by the time Mom
or Dad find it, they’ve usually done it hundreds of times,
or dozens of times before hand.”

Chris agrees. “By the end, I didn’t care who knew.
You know, I just wanted my drugs at any cost.”

Experts say parents who suspect drug use should take the child for
a drug test. Hayes says, “Parents don’t want to believe
that their kid’s got a drug problem. They want to blame it
on everybody else, and that’s part of their denial, and it’s
part of what makes it difficult for teens to get help at times.”

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) describes
adolescence as a “time for trying new things.” Teens use alcohol
and drugs for many reasons, including curiosity, because it feels good, to
reduce stress, to feel grown up or to fit in. Teens at risk of developing serious
drug and alcohol problems include those …

• With a family history of substance abuse.
• Who are depressed.
• Who have low self-esteem.
• Who feel like they don’t fit in or are out of the mainstream.

In addition, warning signs of teen drug abuse may include …

• Fatigue, repeated health complaints, red and glazed eyes, and
  a lasting cough.
• Personality change, sudden mood changes, irritability, irresponsible
  behavior, low self-esteem, poor judgment, depression and a general
  lack of interest.
• Starting arguments, breaking rules or withdrawing from the family.
• Decreased interest, negative attitudes, a drop in grades, many
  absences, truancy and discipline problems.
• New friends who are less interested in standard home and school
  activities, problems with the law, and changes to less conventional
  styles in dress and music.

Peer pressure is one of the most difficult inducements faced by
teens to use illegal substances. Experts at the Hazelden Foundation
have created the following model that a teen might follow in dealing
with pressure to use drugs or alcohol:

• Ask questions – Size up the situation before “going
  along.” For example, a classmate might say, “Hey, lets
  go hang out at the mall” – and have shoplifting in mind.
  To be responsible, ask, “What are we going to do? How long
  will we be there?” These questions will help you make informed
  decisions before getting into a problem situation.
• Name the trouble – After you identify the situation, you
  need to state the possible problem: “That sounds like trouble
  to me.”
• State the consequences – Use the threat of punishment
  as an excuse not to drink. Say something such as, “My parents
  would ground me for months,” or “I could get kicked off
  the soccer team.”
• Offer an alternative – If a friend invites you to drink
  or use drugs, suggest an alternative. “Lets go get pizza.” If
  the friend pressures you more, walk away, but leave the door open.
  You could say, “Hey, that’s fine. Go do your thing.
  You’re welcome to join me later.”
• Get out of trouble – Should
  you find yourself in a problem situation, get out immediately
  and call a responsible adult for help.

Drugs are a threat to almost every child, and one of the
best ways to help ensure your child will make the right decisions when faced
with choices regarding substance abuse is to confront the issue with your
child as early as possible. Experts at the American Academy of Pediatrics
list the following as ways to address the subject of substance abuse with
your child:

• Talk with your child honestly. Don’t wait to have “the
  drug talk” with your child. Make discussions about tobacco,
  alcohol and other drugs part of your daily conversation. Know the
  facts about how drugs can harm your child. Clear up any wrong information,
  such as “everybody drinks” or “marijuana won’t hurt
  you.”
• Really listen to your child. Encourage your child to share questions
  and concerns about tobacco, alcohol and other drugs. Do not do
  all the talking or give long lectures.
• Help your child develop self-confidence. Look for all the good
  things in your child – and then tell your child how proud
  you are. If you need to correct your child, criticize the action,
  not your child. Praise your child’s efforts as well as successes.
• Help your child develop strong values. Talk about your family
  values. Teach your child how to make decisions based on these standards
  of right and wrong. Explain that these are the standards for your
  family, no matter what other families might decide.
• Be a good example. Look at your own habits and thoughts about
  tobacco, alcohol and other drugs. Your actions speak louder than
  words.
• Help your child deal with peer pressure and acceptance. Discuss
  the importance of being an individual and the meaning of real friendships.
  Help your child understand that he/she does not have to do something
  wrong just to feel accepted. Remind your child that a real friend
  won’t care if he/she does not use tobacco, alcohol or other drugs.
• Make family rules that help your child say “no.” Talk
  with your child about your expectation that he/she will say “no” to
  drugs. Spell out what will happen if he/she breaks these rules.
  Be prepared to follow through, if necessary.
• Encourage healthy, creative activities. Look for ways to get
  your child involved in athletics, hobbies, school clubs and other
  activities that reduce boredom and excess free time. Encourage
  positive friendships and interests. Look for activities that you
  and your child can do together.
• Team up with other parents. Work with other parents to build
  a drug-free environment for children. When parents join together
  against drug use, they are much more effective than when they act
  alone. One way is to form a parent group with the parents of your
  child’s friends. The best way to stop a child from using drugs
  is to stop friends from using them.
• Know what to do if your child has a drug problem. Realize that
  no child is immune to drugs. Learn the signs of drug use. Take
  seriously any concerns you hear from friends, teachers and/or other
  kids about your child’s possible drug use. Trust your instincts.
  If you truly feel that something is wrong with your child, it probably
  is. If there’s a problem, seek professional help.

According to the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse
at Columbia University (CASA), parents are the key to keeping kids
drug-free. CASA research shows that the extent to which parents take
a “hands-on” approach in raising their kids, the more
they establish appropriate rules and standards of behavior, and the
more they monitor their teens, the lower the teen’s risk of
substance abuse. “Hands-on,” according to CASA, includes
parents who consistently take 10 or more of the following 12 actions:

• Monitor what their teens watch on television
• Monitor what they do on the Internet
• Put restrictions on the music (CDs) they buy
• Know where their teens are after school and on weekends
• Expect to be and are told the truth by their teens about where
  they are going
• Are “very aware” of their teen’s academic
  performance
• Impose a curfew
• Make clear they would be “extremely upset” if their
  teen used pot
• Eat dinner with their teens six or seven times a week
• Turn off the television during dinner
• Assign their teens regular chores
• Have an adult present when
  the teens return from school

American Academy of Pediatrics
The Hazelden Foundation
The National Center on Addiction
and Substance Abuse