Finding Friends After Katrina

Kerrick and his family fled New Orleans just before the storm.
His biggest worry? His best friend. Kerrick says, “I didn’t
know if he was stuck in the storm, or on top of his roof. I didn’t
know. I just broke down. I started crying to my sister.”

And now, starting high school in a new city, Kerrick is separated
from all the kids he knew back home.

His father August Metoyer says, “It’s kind of hard
to lose all of your childhood friends, all at once. Growing up,
you lose a friend here, you lose a friend there. People move on.
But everyone? That’s tough.”

Counselors say for the teen victims of Katrina—losing your
friends—is like losing your identity.

“The bulk of a child’s day is around their peers
so most of their influence is going to come from the people they
are socializing with,” says Nadim Ali, a licensed professional
counselor in metro-Atlanta. “So that’s why internally,
a child gets their value and validation from their peers because
that’s who they are spending most of their time with.”

And experts say proving yourself all over again at a new school
can be overwhelming. Kerrick says, “The first day I was shaking.
I didn’t know if they were going to like me or not like me.”

Experts say parents need to reassure kids, whatever their old
friends liked about them, those same qualities will help them make
new friends.

Ali says, “So one of the things teenagers are going to
have to do is be patient and get to know people and not try to
force your old self into your new environment.”

And in the meantime—experts advise parents to pay close attention
to their child’s new group of friends. Ali says, “The
same rules apply in regards to kids you didn’t allow your
children to socialize with pre Katrina, you don’t want them
socializing with post Katrina.”

Kerrick says, “Everybody’s been getting adjusted to me.
They say they like me.”

Tens of thousands of individuals are struggling with loss after the
destruction of Hurricane Katrina, and many people are at a loss for how to
help. According to a study published in the Journal of Adolescent Research,
children may experience many different emotions when faced with the loss
and upheaval caused by these kinds of situations. These emotions and the
way the child deals with them can have a number of short- and long-term effects
on the child including:

Long-term effects

• Increased likelihood of medical illness
• Fear of their own death
• Increased likelihood of psychiatric illness
• Increased risk of suicide as adults

Short-term Effects

• Shock
• Numbness
• Anger
• Sadness
• Insomnia
• Loneliness
• Fright
• Survivor guilt
• Nightmares
• Drug abuse
• School problems
• Suicide ideation

Simple grief over the loss is not only normal,
it is a critical component of the various stages through which adults and
children come to terms with their loss. However, according to the American
Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), there are a number
of warning signs that indicate a grieving child is in trouble, including
the following:

• An extended period of depression in which the child loses interest
  in daily activities and events
• Inability to sleep, loss of appetite, prolonged fear of being
  alone
• Acting much younger for an extended period
• Excessively reliving or replaying the event
• Withdrawal from friends
• A sharp drop in school performance or refusal to attend school

Parents may notice that some of the warning signs listed above
parallel or mimic signs of depression and/or suicidal thoughts. If
you observe any of these warning signs, professional guidance may
be needed to help your child deal with this difficult process. A
qualified mental health professional can often help a parent objectively
determine the severity of the child’s difficulty in dealing
with a loss, as well as help the child navigate the recovery process
more successfully.

In addition, parents can take the following actions to help their
children deal with loss and anxiety:

• Let your child grieve – It is natural for a parent to
  want help their child avoid the pain associated with the loss or
  their possessions and friends through being uprooted from their
  home. However, children’s reactions to the losses will likely
  run the same gamut of emotions as those of adults, i.e. grief,
  anger or fear. It is important that children are allowed to acknowledge
  their grief and experience their own grieving processes.
• Talk to your child – As with so many emotional situations
  and problems, communication is essential in helping a child deal
  with loss, particularly when it is as sudden and unexpected as
  Hurricane Katrina. In talking with your child, be sure to:
• Acknowledge their feelings – For example, you might ask
  felt when they first heard the news about the destruction. You
  might also discuss how other people have reacted to the loss as
  a way to reinforce the idea that your child is not alone in how
  he or she feels about the loss.
• Share your experiences – Talk to the child about your
  feelings. Children need to know that their parents are struggling
  with the loss, too. It may help your child to hear that you have
  been or are angry, shocked and worried. Negative shared experiences
  can sometimes have positive results when children see their parents
  as subject to the same range of emotions they may be feeling.
• Share your beliefs – Situations of loss may cause children
  to explore who they are and what they believe. Share your beliefs
  with your child about what is important in life. The subject may
  have a great deal of relevance for them, particularly in the context
  of the loss process.

Encourage remembrance of what they have lost – Allow your
child to remember their home, friends, school, etc. Suggest creative
ways to facilitate that remembrance. For example, help the child create
a photo album or collage with the pictures that mean the most to them.
Suggest that they write a poem or paint a picture if it will help them
recover.