Angry Teens

“Pretty much the rebellion stage started kicking in right about age 12,” says 15-year-old Kim Skinner.

Kim’s father, Jim, said that she had been a happy, delightful child, but then “her moods became really dark. She became very angry.”

“If I didn’t get my way, I was a banshee,” adds Kim. “I really was.”

And sometimes, the fights over schoolwork, friends and daily chores turned violent.

“I threw a ceramic-potted Christmas tree at my dad’s head,” says Kim, describing one of her outbursts, “…and luckily it missed him because I don’t know what I’d do if I had injured my dad.”

Some experts call it the “terrible teens.”

“They hit 12 or 13, and parents will come into me and say, ‘My adorable 12-year-old is now a screaming, shrieking 13-year-old,’” says Dr. Nancy McGarrah, an adolescent psychologist.

Experts say it’s a common problem, and many parents make a common mistake – they give in.

“Most parents are real scared about adolescence,” says Dr. McGarrah. “They don’t know how strong to be with them. They try to avoid conflict.”

And when a yelling teen gets their way, their bad behavior is rewarded.

“So they keep pushing and pushing and pushing those boundaries,” says Dr. McGarrah.

Experts say the solution is seemingly simple. Parents have to be clear about rules and stick to them, no matter how much screaming and resistance they get.

“The hard part is following through because it’s exhausting,” says Dr. McGarrah.

It’s hard, but eventually a child will learn what Kim has – yelling isn’t the way to get what she wants. Doing well in school, doing her chores and being respectful, however, is.

“I like to think of myself as a very nice person, a very giving person,” she says. “Back then, I was loud, rude.

I was actually kind of evil.”

By Larry Eldridge, Jr.
CWK Network, Inc.

The American Psychological Association says that anger is a normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to violent outcomes. Many teens today have a difficult time keeping their anger under control, as evidenced by the following data from the National Center for Education Statistics and the U.S. Department of Education:

• Approximately 7 percent of students said they had carried a weapon to school in the past month.
• An estimated 8 percent of students said they had been threatened or injured with a weapon on school property in the past year.
• About 14 percent said that they had been involved in a physical fight on school property in the past year.
• Approximately 5 percent said they had missed at least one day of school in the last month because they felt unsafe at school or traveling to or from school.
• An estimated one-in-ten students in 6 th and 7 th grade reported being bullied, compared with one-in-20 students in 8 th and 9 th grade, and one-in-50 students in 10 th through 12 th grade.
• Suspensions are rising, from 1.7 million students nationwide in 1974, to 3.2 million in a recent study.

In response to these startling statistics, many schools have adopted anger management programs to help teens deal with their emotional outbursts. For example, Garden City High School in Wayne County partners with a local hospital to provide anger management and counseling services for troubled youth. Officials report that since the initiative, fight-related suspensions have dropped 50 percent.

By Larry Eldridge, Jr.
CWK Network, Inc.

Anger creates physical changes that both teens and parents need to recognize: increased heart rate, a rise in blood pressure, soaring adrenaline levels. Once these changes occur, along with the thoughts that fuel the anger, the emotion can be hurtful. Provena Mercy Center cites the following warning signs indicating that your teen’s anger is unhealthy:

• A frequent loss of temper at the slightest provocation
• Brooding isolation from family and friends
• Damage to one’s body or property
• A need to exact revenge on others
• Decreased involvement in social activities

If you believe your teen has a problem with anger, you can help him or her develop positive conflict resolution techniques. The University of Michigan Health System (UMHS) explains that teaching children strategies for dealing with their anger can be difficult, because you don’t know when your child will get angry again. To help, use the time between angry outbursts to discuss your child’s anger, and practice how to deal with it. The UMHS outlines the following strategies for teaching your child anger management:

• Practice a substitute behavior . You and your child should develop a substitute behavior to use when he or she is about to get angry. Some ideas include breathing methods, counting backward or visualizing a peaceful scene or a stop sign.
• Reward . Sit down with your child and figure out some rewards that he or she can earn by practicing the exercises (on a daily basis), and when he or she uses the exercises when frustrated or angry. Don’t skip the rewards – they are essential to the success of anger management in children.
• Give examples . Think of times when you deal effectively with your own stress and point these out, very briefly, to your child. Also, share your coping strategies with your child as examples of how he/she might handle a similar situation. It is important for your child to see you successfully deal with your own anger.
• Encourage using the exercises . When your child starts to get upset, briefly encourage him or her to practice the substitute behavior. Only prompt your child once. Do not continue to nag him/her about using the exercises.
• Avoid arguments but do discipline consistently . Avoid arguing with your child. Everybody loses when a confrontation occurs. You need to set a good example and deal with your child in a quiet, matter-of-fact manner.

American Psychological Association
Detroit News
National Center for Education Statistics
Nemours Foundation
Provena Mercy Center
University of Michigan Health System
U.S. Department of Education