“If you ask each and every one of us, I'm sure we've all seen something every day.”
– Shari, 19 years old
Researchers at Brunel University in London surveyed over 2,000 kids about bullying and what they found was surprising. The kids who were neither the bully nor the victim- only bystanders, reported higher rates of depression, anxiety, and drug abuse.
Why does simply watching violence do so much harm?
Studies show 60% of teens witness bullying at least once a day.
"I mean, if you ask each and every one of us, I'm sure we've all seen something every day," says Shari, 19.
And often times, witnesses do nothing.
"They just are afraid of getting hurt," explains Brittany, 15. "I was standing up for someone when I was 5 years old, and I was beaten up. I was punched in the stomach, and I was scared after that to stand up for someone else."
"[And] because they'll be labeled as a tattletale," says Becky, 17.
Experts say that seeing this type of violence has many effects. First, it makes it hard to learn.
"Social development, intellectual development, emotional development ... you can't learn those three skills if you're frightened," says Dr. David Fenstermaker, a psychologist and expert on school violence.
And they ARE frightened, he says.
"If a bully looks at you – you know what they're capable of elsewhere. And you go, 'Am I in for that? Am I ready for that?'" Fenstermaker says.
According to the U.S. Department of Education, kids who witness bullying often end up feeling guilty and helpless.
"[Y]ou as the observer of a terrible act, or an inhuman act, develop symptoms yourself and develop fears," Fenstermaker says.
Teens say the problem has became such a severe problem because they feel no one is taking responsibility – not the schools, not the parents and not the witnesses.
"Bullying happens all the time, and all it really takes is one person to stand up and say, 'You know what, that is not OK. And you need to knock it off,'" Shari says.
"How are we ever going to learn how to be loving adults without loving adults to help us?" says Nam, 19.
Six out of 10 American teens witness bullying in school once a day or even more frequently, but most just stand by in fear. Research indicates that bullying is the result of peer influence, the same influence that affects drug and alcohol use. Researchers from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign conducted surveys among 475 sixth- through eighth-graders at a mid-western school early and late in the academic year as part of a study on peer influence and middle school aggression. They found that even when individual students engaged in little or no bullying, they often stood on the sidelines and rarely intervened. Most respondents explained their behavior by saying bullying was "just how things are" and that it is a routine part of school life.
Education officials say that the effects of bullying on witnesses are often overlooked, and that can interfere with the learning environment. The U.S. Department of Education cites the following ways in which bystanders and peers of victims can be negatively affected by acts of bullying:
- They may become afraid to associate with the victim for fear of lowering their own status or of retribution from the bully and becoming victims themselves.
- They may fear reporting bullying incidents because they do not want to be called a "snitch," a "tattler" or an "informer."
- Some experience feelings of guilt or helplessness for not standing up to the bully on behalf of their classmate.
- Many may be drawn into bullying behavior by group pressure.
- They may feel unsafe, unable to take action or a loss of control.
What We Need To Know
It is important for parents to first realize that even if their child is only a witness to bullying, they still need to talk to him or her about any such incidents. Peer groups often support bullying – it is often not as effective if no witnesses exist. The National Association of School Psychologists offers the following strategies for helping you to become proactive against bullying:
- Know your child's peers. Your child may be socializing with other children who advocate bullying behavior. Insist on knowing his or her friends, whereabouts and activities.
- Develop a strong value system in your home. Give a clear message that bullying behavior is completely unacceptable.
- Model tolerance and compassion. Children take their emotional cues from the significant adults in their lives. Stress the importance of treating all people with dignity.
- Talk to your child regularly. Encourage your child to share problems with you and reassure him or her that it is not tattling.
- Make it clear that you support school policies and rules that create a safe place for all students to learn.
- Teach your child positive conflict resolution. Settle your own conflicts peaceably, and demonstrate how to manage anger without violence.
The key for parents is constant communication. The more you know, the safer your child will be.
Resources
- Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence
- National Association of School Psychologists
- National Crime Prevention Council
- University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
- U.S. Department of Education