Nine-year-old Abby Meyer was born in China, and adopted by an American family when she was two. Experts say it’s important for foreign-born kids to learn about their birth culture.

“To value that, can help the child’s self-esteem, help the child’s confidence, help the child’s ability to get along socially with other people. and they generally move through the world much more successfully,” says Carol Pitts, a marriage and family therapist who works with adoptive families.

But how much do you teach Abby about China? Or, do you focus the vast majority of her learning on America and American culture. things like baseball, rock and roll, the Bill of Rights?

Abbey’s mom says. both. “Oh yeah, we celebrate Chinese culture, but we also celebrate the fact that she’s Chinese-American,” says Nancy Meyer.

Carol Pitts says balance is the key. Give them the free space to be who they are as an American,” she says. But when they ask about their birth culture, help them to learn. If you don’t, she says ” they feel that there must be something wrong with it, and because that’s where I came from, maybe there’s something wrong with me.”

And what if, while talking about the past, an adopted child brings up the toughest question of all – why did my parents give me up? Nancy Meyer says there’s only one way to answer. “You have to be really honest with them and say for the most part, we don’t know. There might be something there. And maybe someday we could go find out together.”

Nancy says right now, Abby is experiencing the perfect mix of both cultures. And she believes that will benefit her daughter later in life. “Give them good roots,” she says, “and accept them for everything that they are. They’ll find who they are, too.”

Several sources show that the percentage of transcultural adoptions in the United States is significant. Recent data from the Immigration and Naturalization Service show that U.S. families adopted 7,088 children from other countries. The same study also showed that there were almost 119,000 adoptions of all kinds. Since approximately half of the adoptions in any year are stepparent or relative adoptions, there were about 59,500 non-relative adoptions. Therefore, the percentage of transcultural adoptions comes out to roughly 12 percent.

People choose to adopt transculturally for a variety of reasons. Fewer young Caucasian children are available for adoption in the United States than in years past, and some adoption agencies that place Caucasian children do not accept single applicants or applicants older than 40. Some prospective adoptive parents feel connected to a particular race or culture because of their ancestry or through personal experiences such as travel or military service. Others simply like the idea of reaching out to children in need, no matter their cultural background.

There are a number of techniques parents can use with their adopted children, specifically with transcultural adoptions. Some of these “techniques” are common sense and apply to all adopted children. However, with transculturally adopted children, these techniques can be especially helpful.

• Surround yourselves with supportive family and friends – While you were thinking about adopting transculturally, did you find some people in your circle of family and friends who were especially supportive of your plans to become a multicultural family? If so, surround yourself with these people. In addition, seek out other adoptive families, other multicultural families and other members of your child’s ethnic group.
• Tolerate no racially or ethnically biased remarks – As adoptive parents in an intercultural family, you should refuse to tolerate any kind of ethnically biased remark made in your presence. This includes remarks about your child’s ethnic group, other ethnic groups or any other characteristic such as gender, religion, age and physical or other disability. Make it clear that it is not okay to make fun of people who are different, and it is not okay to assume that all people of one group behave the same way. Try to combat the remarks while giving the person a chance to back off or change what has been said. This way you will teach your child to stand up to bias without starting a fight. In addition, by being gracious and giving others a chance to overcome their bias/ignorance, you can help to change their beliefs and attitudes over time. Positive exchanges about race will always be more helpful than negative ones.
• Celebrate all cultures – As a multicultural family, you should value all cultures. Teach your child that every ethnic group has something worthwhile to contribute, and that diversity is this country’s and your family’s strength. Also, while it is important to teach your child that differences among people are enriching, it is also important to point out similarities. One expert suggests that in an adoptive family the ratio should be two similarities for each difference. For instance, to a young child you might say, “Your skin is darker than daddy’s, but you like to play music, just like he does, and you both love strawberry ice cream.” As much as you want to celebrate your child’s distinctive features, he or she also needs to feel a sense of belonging in the family.
• Talk about race and culture – Talk about racial issues, even if your child does not bring up the subject. Use natural opportunities, such as a television program or newspaper article that talks about race in some way. Let your child know that you feel comfortable discussing race – the positive aspects as well as the difficult ones. On the positive side, a child of a certain race may be given preferential treatment or special attention. On the other hand, even a young child needs to know that while your family celebrates differences, other families do not know many people who are different. These families are sometimes afraid of what they do not know or understand, and may react at times in unkind ways. It can be difficult to deal with such issues, especially when your child is young and does not yet know that some adults have these negative feelings, but you have to do it. You will help your child become a strong, healthy adult by preparing him or her to stand up in the face of ignorance, bias or adversity.
• Expose your child to a variety of experiences so that he or she develops physical and intellectual skills that build self-esteem – Be alert to negative messages that are associated with any culture. Point them out as foolish and untrue. Emphasize that each person is unique and that we all bring our own individual strengths and weaknesses into the world. Frequently compliment your child on his or her strengths. Draw attention to the child’s ability to solve math problems, play ball, dance, play a musical instrument, ride a bike, take photographs, perform gymnastics or any other activity that increases confidence. Self-esteem is built on many small successes and lots of acknowledgement. A strong ego will be better able to deal with both the good and the bad elements of society.
• Take your child to places where most of the people present are from his/her ethnic group – If you bring your Russian child to a Russian church or your Peruvian child to a Latino festival, your child will experience being in a group in which the number of people present of his ethnic group is larger than the number of Caucasians present. It is important for the adopted children to be around adults and children of many ethnic groups, and particularly, to see adult role models who are of the same race or ethnic group. These people can be their friends, teach them about their ethnic heritage and as they mature, tell them what to expect as an adult in your community.