Cute Kids Kept Closer

9-year-old
Parker gets a lot of compliments about his looks.

“He’s a beautiful child, gorgeous skin color,” says
his mother, Susan Ballance.

“Attractive, charismatic,” adds his dad, Walker.

7-year-old younger brother Payton notices, “Cause he’s
getting more attention and getting called nice things,” he
says.

“You can tell it kind of hurts him,” says Mr. Ballance, “Because
he feels like he’s the same as everybody else in the family,
which he is. But his red hair and his freckles kind of sets it
off.”

According a researcher from the University of Alberta, beautiful
children get more attention… even from their parents.

“What he seems to be saying is that parents are more watchful
or attentive to the child that is more attractive,” says
Licensed Psychologist Betsy Gard, Ph.D.

The study looked at over 400 families while they were shopping.
the parents of the best looking kids were six times more likely
to keep them close… within 10 feet… compared to the
parents of less attractive kids.

“We may not be aware that we’re doing this. And that’s
a useful thought… that we may not be aware that we’re
favoring a child,” says Dr. Gard.

She says that makes it all the more important that parents stress
other values… honesty, good humor, hard work. Attributes
that go deeper than appearance.

“I think that’s the importance of this study is that
every parent has to be aware what their child’s gifts and
assets are, and that they try very hard that their children are
treated even-handedly.”

Mrs. Ballance agrees, “Well we have many conversations
about how you can be beautiful on the outside and ugly on the inside.”

That’s how Parker and Payton have learned which qualities
really are important…

“Hard worker, nice, and important,” says Payton.

“You get better attention when you’re NICE,” adds
Parker.

What began as a University of Alberta study into grocery store safety became
a sociological statement concerning parents and their relationships with their
children. Andrew Harrell, director of the population research lab at the University
of Alberta, discovered that parents of cute children react very differently to
them than parents of not-so-cute children. For instance, the research group found
that over 13 percent of the most attractive 2- to 5-year-olds observed in the
study were buckled into their shopping carts, whereas only 1.2 percent of the
least attractive children were. In addition, less attractive children were allowed
to wander much further from their parents than more attractive children. Harrell
is quick to point out that his findings do not mean less attractive children
are more likely to be abused by their parents, but rather that the reaction is
subconscious.

It is a constant struggle to stay in the middle of two
common extremes among parents – paying too much attention to
children and paying too little attention. It is important to maintain
an appropriate balance between the two, but it is not easy to do. According
to Dr. Rex Forehand, director of the Institute for Behavioral Research
at the University of Georgia, what is of equal or greater importance
than the amount of attention given to the child is the way the parent
expresses that attention, particularly as it relates to praise. Dr.
Forehand suggests the following techniques for giving positive praise
and attention to a child:

• Praise your child’s efforts more than his or her accomplishments.
• Praise desirable behaviors that you want to see repeated, increased
  or maintained. When your child is learning a new behavior, praise
  the behavior often at first. Then gradually reduce and fade out
  the frequency of the attention/praise for the behavior. Don’t,
  however, stop recognizing and affirming the behavior altogether.
• Do not give attention to undesirable behaviors of your child.
  If you praise desirable behaviors and remove attention from the
  undesirable activities, the child will gradually learn to differentiate
  between those behaviors you value and those behaviors you do not
  want to see repeated.

In addition, here are some suggestions for encouraging the healthy
emotional development of your child:

• Encourage your child’s interests and abilities
• Recognize your child’s normal accomplishments
• Encourage your child to make decisions
• Let your child take some risks
• Give your child responsibilities
• Don’t demand that your child be perfect
• Avoid absolutes in describing your child
• Limit negative feedback to your child
• Don’t make promise to your child you might not keep
• Spend quality time with your child
• Be accepting or your child

University of Alberta
University of Georgia Institute for Behavioral Research