|
Today is like any other. Kate Sternstein is sitting at the kitchen table doing homework with the help of her dad. “You had a test today, and I heard you got a hundred on the test,” exclaims Kate’s dad, Ed.
Kate and her dad have a close relationship. “She’s a daddy’s girl. She is a daddy’s girl,” Ed says proudly. They do everything together – play ping-pong, hang out, do homework. “He was my basketball coach for probably about 10 years. … We just do anything and everything,” continues Kate.
According to research from the Institute for the Study of Civil Society, when biological fathers are not actively involved in the lives of their teenagers, those kids are more likely to drop out of school, take drugs and later in life, get a divorce. And this is a point that Ed Sternstein takes to heart. Like most of us, Ed has a busy life, “My job is very demanding, but I always try whenever possible, to be at the important events,” he says.
But experts say that it’s not about just showing up. “It isn’t just physical presence, it’s emotional presence. … It’s really making eye contact, it’s being close, it’s listening,” explains Dick Bathrick, licensed marriage and family therapist.
Experts say this advice is even more important for adolescent daughters. “I think fathers will believe, well, now she’s 13, this is when I disappear, now her mother needs to take over, and I think if anything that’s when fathers really need to be present,” continues Bathrick.
Dr. Carol Drummond breaks it down further, “The father-daughter relationship is many times the girl’s first relationship with a man. She gets feedback from her father about how she feels about herself.” She says a secure relationship with dad is the foundation for a healthy relationship with a man later on.
And Kate’s dad agrees, “I just want her to be happy and to have, to continue to have, unconditional support and love, whether she feels it from us throughout the years, but also wherever she moves on, if she meets somebody else and starts her own family, that she can experience the same that we’ve experienced.”
Kate’s going away to college soon, and one thing she’ll take with her is the memory of the times she spent with her dad. “I can’t imagine not having the relationship I do with him, not being as close as I am with him, and I can’t imagine what it would be like without him.” |
By Amye Walters
CWK Network, Inc.
Studies show that the risk of juvenile delinquency, substance abuse, sexual abuse, early pregnancy and dropping out of high school is six times higher for children whose biological fathers are not part of their lives. Other research indicates fathers who are interested in their daughters’ activities increase the chances that the girls will stay involved with those activities. It doesn’t matter whether the activity is a traditionally masculine pursuit, such as sports, camping, hunting or fishing, or a traditionally feminine one, such as music, sewing or art. Continued participation in most any extra-curricular activity is a boon to girls’ development.
- Girls who grow up without a biological father are likely to physically mature faster, reach puberty at a younger age than their peers and have earlier pregnancies.
- Studies indicate the more a father interacts with his daughter in her youth, the later she will reach puberty.
- The most significant influences on girls’ choices of how they spent their free time were their own personalities and their parents’ interest in their activities. Very little correlation existed between activity interest and hormonal levels, peer influences or parents’ views.
|
By Amye Walters
CWK Network, Inc.
Most children yearn for two parents. And most parents would agree that parenting is one job that requires more than one adult. New research supports these ideas.
Seventy percent of men between the ages of 21 and 39 say they are willing to give up some pay for time with their families. A recent poll indicates that the majority of men today are more involved in childrearing and maintaining their households than their fathers ever were.
Girls are twice as likely as boys to become depressed after puberty. Some psychologists contend that girls’ mood changes are often linked to estrangement from their fathers. Also, the quality of a teenage daughter’s relationship with her father predicts the quality of the relationships with suitors she will have in years to come.
Fathers may find the time when daughters reach puberty to be difficult or uncomfortable. But their continued interest and support is essential for their daughters’ healthy development. Daughters gain positive reinforcement from fathers who express interest in their various activities. A father’s presence is especially significant during adolescence.
- Young children may take the absence of their father as a personal rejection. They begin to think Dad’s not around because there’s something wrong with them.
- It’s more important for Dad to be at home and around for his kid’s extra-curricular activities than putting in inordinate hours at the office. Dad’s presence is more desirable to a child than life’s luxuries.
- Parents, and especially fathers, influence their daughters throughout middle adolescence.
- Parental participation transcends gender and relates to a mutual respect and admiration between the parent and child.
- It is necessary for all parents and children to participate in enjoyable experiences together.
|
