Long-Term Teen Dating

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  Long-Term Teen Dating Robert Seith | CWK Network
 
 
“Recognize
that within limits that it can be a valuable experience to go through
the rough and tumble of a intimate romantic relationship early
on.“
– Psychologist Jim Purvis, Ph.D.
  Related Information What Parents Need To Know Resources

17-year-olds
Alison Watt and Chris Jensen started dating freshman year in high
school.

“I kind of wanted to kiss her,” says Chris, “…and
she wouldn’t let me kiss her unless she, unless I said we
were officially uh… but Alison interrupts, “No, that’s
not what happened.”

However it started… it lasted.

They’re seniors now, and still dating.

“I really didn’t think it’d last that long
actually,” says Alison.

But a serious high school relationship can scare a lot of parents.

“Most parents would say ‘oh my god’, is this
the right person, they’re going to get married when they’re
19, and they’re going to mess up their lives,” says
Psychologist Jim Purvis, Ph.D.

In fact, he says, the teen who dates a lot of different people
should worry parents as much, or more.

“When a person dates a lot of different people, sometimes
there’s more movement into sexuality than there is when two
teenagers have a lot of respect for each other,” says Dr.
Purvis.

“Some of the guys I hang out with, they’re kind of
into… I mean, they just go out, have a good time… this
girl, that girl, do whatever you want, you know,” adds Chris.

And… a study from the University of Minnesota found that
teens who ‘date around’ in high school are more likely
to have troubled marriages as adults.

Experts say teens who date long term learn what makes a real
relationship work.

“They tend to get more experience at conflict resolution,
developing mutual admiration for that partner, and caring for that
partner. And as a result it’s going to stand them in good
stead as adults, as marital partners later on, whoever they get
married to,” says Dr. Purvis.

“You’re going to have your ups and downs,” says
Chris, “You’re going to have a bad time and a good
time and it’s just sort of like a character builder where
you learn how to deal with things together.”

By Larry Eldridge
CWK Network, Inc.

As your child begins dating, it is important to create some rules for
him or her to follow – clear guidelines for your child. The University
of Minnesota Extension Service offers the following tips for talking to your
child about dating and sex:

  • Answer your child’s questions as they come up.
  • Answer your child directly and honestly. Your willingness to
    be open and truthful will go a long way, especially when it comes
    to your child dealing with the tough stuff.
  • Be clear about your values. The values you teach will be the
    foundation from which your child will make future decisions.
  • Don’t hesitate to let your child know how you feel and
    what you expect. At the same time, be willing to listen and not
    judge when he or she speaks.
  • Remember that your child is hearing about sex everywhere. Make
    sure he or she gets the true story from you. Just because your
    child says, “I know,” it doesn’t mean he or she
    does. If your child is resistant, back off for the moment and pick
    up the conversation later in the day or the next day.
  • Be persistent.
    Parents have a lot of knowledge and experience. Your voice needs
    to be heard.
 
By Larry Eldridge
CWK Network, Inc.

Parents are confronted by many issues as their children
begin entering adolescence
– not the least of which is dating. Experts at the Iowa State University
Extension say that parents can take several steps when pressured by children
who want to begin dating at an early age:

  • Acknowledge that girls typically mature more quickly than boys
    and may want to date earlier and with older boys.
  • Encourage group activities. By sixth or seventh grade, it is appropriate
    for children to sit with their friends of both sexes at ball games
    or other school events.
  • Make sure that you and your child are calm when you begin discussing
    your reasons for dating and against dating.
  • Encourage your child to be active in hobbies and interests that
    he or she enjoys.
  • Stay involved! Know where your child is and what he or she is doing.
    Unsupervised time at this age often leads to trouble.

When your child begins dating by age 14 or 15, experts suggests adopting
a few solid rules:

  • Set reasonable curfews so that little time remains after organized
    activities.
  • Set reasonable consequences if your child does not return home
    on time.
  • Invite your child’s date to take part in family activities
    so you can get to know him or her.
  • Let some dates take place at home with television or games and
    popcorn instead of always leaving the house.
 

University of Minnesota
Extension Service
Iowa State University
Extension