Modesty Movement

Like most 17-year-old girls, Amber
Heaton loves to shop. But unlike many girls her age, she
prefers a more modest look.

“I usually go for things that don’t show your
midriff; things that have sleeves on them and not too low
in the front either. And, I don’t wear short shorts
or short skirts,” she says.

Heaton is a part of a growing movement. She recently modeled
in a fashion show featuring “modest” clothing.
The show has sparked nationwide interest to host similar
events. Organizers have even launched a petition aimed at
retailers.

“We’re not trying to enforce any sort of a
dress code or restrict anyone’s right to dress any
way they like,” says Brenda Lord, organizer of the Modesty
in the Mix fashion show, as well as the petition. “What
we are struggling with is a limitation in the marketplace
that makes it impossible for our girls to dress modestly,” she
says.

For many families, however, the struggle over “appropriate” wear
is often a battle fought at home, between parents and teens.
Experts say parents should set guidelines, but also allow
some give and take as kids begin to develop their own fashion
identity.

“Respect your child’s choices and interests,” says
psychologist Carol Drummond, “yet help them learn how
to set the boundaries about what is appropriate. And try
to find ways to help them feel good about themselves other
than how they look or how they dress.”

Heaton says her sense of modesty comes from values instilled
by her family.

“I think [modesty] is just dressing in a way that
shows respect for yourself and for the people around you,
and not giving in to the popular fads of the world.”

By Larry Eldridge, Jr.
CWK Network, Inc.

The battle over modesty versus fashion is waged daily
between parents and their children. Before shopping for clothes
with your child, it’s important that you and your child
identify your attitudes toward certain types of clothing,
and define limitations. Also, discuss with your child how
a person’s clothing makes a first impression – and
he/she may be giving off the wrong impression with clothes
that are too promiscuous. Dannah Gresh, author of And
the Bride Wore White, and facilitator for the Pure Freedom
events, has developed a list of questions she recommends
that young girls ask themselves when deciding what to wear.
Parents can use these questions to start a discussion with
their children:

• Is my shirt too tight, Part1? – Take the
  tips of your fingers and press into your shirt right where
  your ribs come together. When you take your fingers away
  does your shirt immediately spring back like a small trampoline?
  If so, your shirt may be too tight. Solution: You may want
  to try a different bra; sometimes that can make a big difference
  in giving you a more room.
• Is my shirt too tight, Part 2 ? – When
  wearing a button down shirt, stand sideways and look in
  the mirror. Is the space between the buttons gaping open,
  even just a little bit? If it’s pulling enough to cause
  a gap, you’re in danger of exposing too much (and maybe
  losing a button!) Shirts that are too tight are a bad idea
  if you want to dress modestly. It’s not just about how
  much of skin is showing, but also how much shape is showing!
  Solution: Try buying a size or two larger, or try a t-shirt
  under the button-down and leave it open for a layered look.
• Am I showing too much? – Stand and lift
  your hands up in the air with your arms fully extended.
  Is this exposing any belly skin? Solution: Go for layers
  and put a longer shirt under a shorter one. Try wearing
  a ribbed t-shirt or tank top from the men’s department.
  They’re a little longer and stay tucked in under a cool,
  trendy shirt. Also, check to see if your bra straps are
  showing. Go for tank tops that have slightly wider straps.
• Can you see my underpants? – Can you see
  a distinct outline of your panties through your pants,
  skirt or shorts? Either your pants are too tight or your
  underwear is too bright – or both. Solution: For
  lighter colored pants and skirts, keep a few pair of plain
  white underwear on hand for a safe look.
• How short is too short? – When you buy
  either shorts or a skirt, try this test. Sit in front of
  a full-length mirror. Sit both crossed legged on the floor
  and with your legs crossed in a chair. What do you see?
  If you see too much thigh or your panties, so can
  everyone else. Solution: Today’s skirts are about extremes.
  There are long, flowing skirts, ruffled skirts, straight
  jean skirts. Go for extremely long and/or extremely ruffled,
  but pass on extremely short. As far as shorts go, look
  for ones with slightly longer inseams.

Are my pants too low? – Again, sit cross legged
on the floor. Bend forward as if you’re trying to touch your
nose to the ground. Now, reach behind you and feel what’s
showing if your jeans are too low. Solution: Some low riders
are just too low. Find a pair that won’t cause viewers to blush
for you.

By Larry Eldridge, Jr.
CWK Network, Inc.

As a parent, you can try to prevent your children from
being influenced by immodest fashion styles, but the messages
are everywhere –concerts, magazines, friends, movies.
Therefore, it is important to help your children recognize
the difference between modest and immodest dressing; to understand
their own feelings about it, and to realize that certain fashion
styles make a statement – a statement your son or daughter
may not really want to make. Nan cy Stafford, author and host
of the weekly fashion series, Main Floor, has developed
several suggestions to encourage your child to dress modestly.

• Talk about modesty with your children, including how pop
  stars dress. Most importantly, discuss the implications of
  dressing immodestly. Encourage them to ask, “What am
  I saying when I dress like this?”
• Teach your children that style is more than clothing;
  it is created by personality, confidence, intelligence, character
  and relationships.
• Appeal to your children’s desire for individuality.
  Encourage them to be their own person when it comes to fashion.
• Remind your child that he or she is a role model for younger
  children. Explain to your 11-year-old that an eight-year-old
  looks up to him/her. This may give your child a feeling of
  responsibility.
• Encourage your children to ask themselves, “How
  does this clothing relate to my family’s moral values?
  To my morals?” Teach children that their moral beliefs
  deserve first place in all areas of life, including clothes.
• Set the example for your children. “Moms need to
  be conscientious in how they dress,” says Nancy. “Moms
  are the first role models for their children.” Moms
  can show their children that they can be hip and stylish
  while maintaining modesty.

Kids need guidance. Even thought the want to be hip, cute and
fun, parents cannot assume that their children can make clothing
decisions on their own. Shop with them and offer your opinion.

Pure Freedom
Renewing the Heart