Muslim Teens

The recent
bombings in London brought back a familiar fear in these four Muslim
kids.

“I’m thinking… here we go again,” says
16-year-old Shabaz Gyagenda.

Again: questions… dirty looks.

“It’s tough on us, as Muslim, every day going through,” says
16-year-old Yosra Khalisa, “Going to the super market with
your scarf on or whatever… people look at you like ‘oh
they’re out to get us’.”

“It’s a feeling that they don’t want you here
even though you’re as American as anyone else,” adds
15-year-old Alaya Naim.

“It’s basically going through the same thing that
happened in the aftermath of 9-11. Like people will ask questions
so I have to be prepared to answer and explain that Islam does
not condone such actions and things like that,” says 16-year-old
Nafees Syed.

“You have to be real careful,” agrees Alaya, “You
have to do a lot of explaining at school. Just a lot more stress
and stuff.”

Stress, they say, because some people don’t look at them
as kids, as individuals… instead they represent all Muslims.

”Now you know that people look at you, they scrutinize you
now,” says
Yosra, “And they’re like wow that girls’ like Muslim, let’s
see what she does, let’s see if the media really portrays Muslims like
she acts.”

“It’s not too fair,” says Shabaz, “Because
I mean, you’re just a teenager and I mean representing a
whole religion is kind of, you know, big burden.”

Experts say helping ease that burden means first… lending
a sympathetic ear.

“Talk a lot to the kids,” says Soumaya Khalifa with
the Islamic Speakers Bureau, and who has had many discussions with
Muslim children and Parents about this problem, “Find out
what their feelings are… helping them learn and to be able
to answer questions. And to offer them options.”

One key option, she says, is to encourage your teen to reach
out to classmates who may be suspicious, or fearful. Show them
there is no reason to be afraid.

“Invite people over to see who they are and what they do.
See what kind of life they lead.”

Yosra agrees that can make a huge difference. “People don’t
understand that you’re an actual person. That you’re
like everyone around you… you’re not bad or anything.
You’re just a regular person.

No child is born a bigot. According to the Anti-Defamation League
(ADL), hate is learned, and it can be unlearned. Immediately following the
terrorist attacks in New York and Washington, D.C., on September 11, 2001,
Muslims in the United States sometimes became targets of threats and hate.
Islamic schools were forced to close their doors for several days. And with
the recent bombings in London, some Muslim teenagers in Europe are finding
themselves the targets of discrimination as well.

Louise Derman-Sparks , a teacher and specialist
in child development, says there are three major issues parents need
to keep in mind when talking to their children about prejudice and
discrimination:

• Children are not colorblind. Children are acutely aware of our “shadings
  and gradations,” and they need matter-of-fact, simple, truthful
  explanations of these differences.
• Talking about differences does not increase prejudice in children.
  Being aware of differences is not the same as avoiding, ridiculing
  or fearing specific differences. Children learn biases from important
  adults in their lives, from the media, from books and from friends.
• It is not enough to talk about similarities among people. While
  we want our children to understand the things that bind us as
  human beings, it is equally important that they understand that
  shared characteristics, language and customs are expressed in different
  ways.

Here is a list of things developed by the Anti-Defamation
League that parents can do to reduce prejudice:

• Accept each of your children as unique and special. Children
  who feel good about themselves are less likely to be prejudiced.
• Help your children become sensitive to other people’s
  feelings. Studies indicate that caring, empathetic children are
  less likely to be prejudiced. Share stories and books with your
  children that help them understand the points of view of other
  people.
• Teach your children respect and an appreciation for differences
  by providing opportunities for interaction with people of diverse
  groups. Studies show that children working and playing together
  toward common goals develop positive attitudes toward one another.
• Help children recognize instances of stereotyping, prejudice
  and discrimination. Make sure they know how to respond to such
  attitudes and behaviors when they see them in action.
• Encourage your children to create positive change. Talk to your
  children about how they can respond to prejudiced thinking or acts
  of discrimination they observe. Confronting a friend’s discriminatory
  behavior is particularly hard for children, so they need to have
  a ready-made response to such instances. If another child is called
  a hurtful name, an observer might simply say, “Don’t
  call him that. Call him by his name.” Or, if your child is
  the victim, “Don’t call me that. That’s not fair.” Or, “You
  don’t like to be called bad names and neither do I.”
• Take appropriate action against prejudice and discrimination.
  For example, if other adults use bigoted language around you or
  your children, you should not ignore it. Your children need to
  know that such behavior is unacceptable, even if it is from a familiar
  adult. A simple phrase will do: “Please don’t talk
  that way around my children.” Or, “That kind of joke
  offends me.” Adults need to hold themselves to the same standard
  they want their children to follow.