Post Adoption Depression

Beth
Humphrey always dreamed of being a mom. At the age of 45, she adopted
a little girl from Bulgaria. “I had this, very much, this image when
we walked out of the orphanage, that I was going to be holding this little
girls hand, we’re gonna walk hand in hand, it was gonna be idyllic, the
soft music playing, it was just going to be ultimately perfect,” she
remembers.

But Beth soon realized it wasn’t perfect. “How can
I keep my sanity, you know, what’s gonna happen if she winds
up with really significant problems, how do I feel about that,
you can’t take her back,” she laughs riley as she recalls
her thought process at the time. Just days after Nikki’s
arrival, Beth was crying-depressed, anxious, and alone.

“The typical set up would be go over, adopt this child,
this child is just gonna become a part of my family, everything
is gonna be wonderful,” explains Cassandra Johnson-Landry,
LPC, “Well, eventually, this honeymoon period ends.”

And experts say when that reality sets in, post-adoption depression
or PAD, can take over. “As I realized the complexity of the
different things I was grappling with, that was when I really sought-
what can I do to help this child, what can I do to help myself,” Beth
says.

The experts advice- understand that depression after adoption
is not uncommon and that, in most cases, it’s temporary.
Share your feelings with friends and family, and don’t be
afraid to take care of yourself. “Take care of yourself,
because you can’t be a caretaker unless you take care of
the caretaker,” explains Jeff Atkinson, LPC.

And most importantly, as Beth herself says, “Don’t be
afraid to ask for help. Look for all the professional help you can
get.”

What kind of severe stress affects new mothers? According to The
New England Journal of Medicine, 13 percent of new mothers have
such strong feelings of sadness, anxiety and despair that they are
unable to cope with their daily tasks. This type of stress, known
as postpartum depression (PPD), is still relatively misunderstood
and its exact cause is unknown. And new studies are showing the depression
isn’t limited to birth mothers … it can also affect
adoptive mothers as well. Experts at Safer Child, Inc., say that
the following factors may signal that a mother is at a higher risk
of developing postpartum or post-adoptive depression:

• Exhaustion
• Overwhelming home or work conditions (including death in family,
  job change, layoff, a move, etc.)
• Personal or family history of depression or other mental problems
• Unrealistic expectations (including tendencies toward perfectionism)
• Baby who is sick, colicky or has other problems
• Little or no support from spouse, family members or friends
• Isolation
• Personal or family history of abuse, physical or emotional abandonment
  and/or neglect

According to Depression After Delivery, Inc., (DAD), depression symptoms
and complications may occur days after receiving the child or they
may appear gradually over time. A mother suffering from post-adoptive
depression may experience the following symptoms:

• Sluggishness, fatigue and exhaustion
• Sadness, depression and hopelessness
• Appetite and sleep disturbances
• Poor concentration or confusion
• Memory loss
• Overconcern for the baby
• Uncontrollable crying or irritability
• Feelings of guilt, inadequacy or worthlessness
• Lack of interest in the baby
• Fear of harming the baby or oneself
• Fear of losing control or “going crazy”
• Exaggerated highs and/or lows
• Lack of interest in sex
• Insomnia
• Intrusive thoughts

Currently, doctors can successfully treat depression with medications,
therapy or a combination of both, according to the American College of
Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). Counseling may be all that is
needed for women with mild symptoms.

Most women experience stress after adopting a child.
While this may not develop into a serious problem, such as post-adoptive
depression, a mother’s stress can still affect her family and
her child. In order to prevent your stress from harming your child,
the American Academy of Family Physicians offers the following advice
for managing your stress:

• Find someone to talk to, and tell that person about your feelings.
• Get in touch with people who can help you with childcare, household
  chores and errands. This social support network will help you find
  time for yourself so you can rest.
• Find time to do something for yourself, even if it’s only
  15 minutes a day. Try reading, exercising (walking is good for
  you and easy to do), taking a bath or meditating.
• Keep a diary. Every day, write down your emotions and feelings
  as a way of “letting it all out.” Once you begin to
  feel better, you can go back and reread your diary, which will
  help you see how much better you are.
• Even if you can only get one thing done in any given day, this
  is a step in the right direction. There may be days when you can’t
  get anything done. Try not to get angry with yourself when this
  happens.
• It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Adopting a child brings
  many changes, and parenting is challenging. When you’re not
  feeling like yourself, these changes can seem like too much with
  which to cope.
• You’re not expected to be a “supermom.” Be
  honest about how much you can do, and ask other people to help
  you.
• Find a support group in your area so that you can talk with
  others who have experienced post-adoptive depression.
• Talk with
  your doctor about how you feel. He/she may offer counseling and/or
  medicines that can help.