Real Violence Pacifies Kids

In the movies or videos or computer games, 16-year-old Benford and his buddies are impressed by the violence.

“I just think it’s pretty cool [to] blow up somebody,” he says, “and his guts go everywhere. Explosions are good. It’s all good.”

Researchers at John Hopkins asked boys how much they agreed with statements like, ‘If you back down from a fight, everyone will think you’re a coward,’ or, ‘If you get into fights over your girlfriend, it means you love her.’”

Then they showed the kids fake violence from television and real violence from the emergency room. When the kids were surveyed again, their views in favor of aggression dropped almost 40 percent.

By Larry Eldridge, Jr.
CWK Network, Inc.

A recent report from the National Council on Crime and Delinquency (NCCD) reveals that teens are twice as likely as any other age group to be shot, stabbed, sexually assaulted, beaten or otherwise attacked. Consultants on the report say the findings suggest that while most people think of “teens as perpetrators, far more teens are victimized by crime than are perpetrators.” Consider these additional findings of the NCCD report:

• One-in-five teenagers has been the victim of a violent crime.
• Teenage girls are as likely to be raped as teenage boys are to be robbed.
• Black teens were twice as likely as white teens to be victimized by aggravated assault in 1999.
• Black girls ages 12 to 18 are more likely than all other groups of teens to be victims of violence.
• American Indians between 12 and 17 were victimized by violence at a rate 49 percent higher than blacks between 1992 and 1996.
• Black and white teenage boys were victimized at the same rate, but black teens were more likely to be victims of more serious violence.

By Larry Eldridge, Jr.
CWK Network, Inc.

What causes a person to punch, kick, stab or fire a gun at someone else or even him/herself? No simple answer exists, according to the American Psychological Association (APA), but people often commit violence because of one or more of the following reasons:

• Expression: Some people use violence to release feelings of anger or frustration. They believe that no answers to their problems exist so they turn to violence to express their out-of-control emotions.
• Manipulation: Violence is used as a way to control others or to fulfill a desire.
• Retaliation: Some people use violence as a way to retaliate against those who have hurt them or someone about whom they care.
• Learned behavior: Like all learned behaviors, violent action can be changed. This isn’t easy, though. Since no single cause of violence exists, no one simple solution exists either. The best a person can do is learn to recognize the warning signs of violence and to get help when he or she sees those signs in friends or him/herself.

In the case of youth, the APA cites these factors that specifically contribute to teenage violent behavior:

• Peer pressure
• Need for attention or respect
• Feelings of low self-worth
• Early childhood abuse or neglect
• Witnessing violence at home, in the community or in the media
• Easy access to weapons

According to the American Academy of Adolescent & Child Psychiatry (AACAP), some people think that making others fear them through violence or threats of violence will solve their problems or earn them respect. This isn’t true. People who behave violently lose respect. They find themselves isolated or disliked, and they still feel angry and frustrated. The AACAP suggests you teach your child the following immediate warning signs indicating that a person may become seriously violent:

• Losing one’s temper on a daily basis
• Frequent physical fighting
• Significantly vandalizing or damaging property
• Increasing the use of drugs or alcohol
• Increasing risk-taking behavior
• Making detailed plans to commit acts of violence
• Announcing threats or plans for hurting others
• Enjoying hurting animals
• Carrying a weapon

As a parent, you can take several steps to protect your child from becoming the victim of a violent crime. The National Crime Prevention Council suggests teaching your child the following safety rules and responsibilities to help your child stay safe and prevent crime:

• Refuse to bring a weapon to school, refuse to carry a weapon for another and refuse to keep silent about those who carry weapons.
• Report any crime immediately to school authorities or police.
• Report suspicious or worrisome behavior or talk by other students to a teacher or counselor at your school. You may save someone’s life.
• Learn how to manage your own anger effectively. Find out ways to settle arguments by talking it out, working it out or walking away rather than fighting.
• Help others settle disputes peaceably. Start or join a peer mediation program in which trained students help classmates find ways to settle arguments without fists or weapons.
• Set up a teen court in which youths serve as judge, prosecutor, jury and defense counsel. Courts can hear cases, make findings and impose sentences, or they may establish sentences in cases where teens plead guilty. Teens feel more involved and respected in this process than in an adult-run juvenile justice system.
• Become a peer counselor, working with classmates who need support and help with problems.
• Mentor a younger student. As a role model and friend, you can make it easier for a younger person to adjust to school and ask for help.
• Start a school crime watch. Consider including a student patrol that helps keep an eye on corridors, parking lots and groups and instituting a way for students to report concerns anonymously.
• Ask each student activity or club to adopt an antiviolence theme. The school newspaper could run how-to stories on violence prevention, and the art club could illustrate costs of violence. Career clubs could investigate how violence affects their occupational goals. Sports teams could address ways to reduce violence that’s not part of the game plan.
• Welcome new students and help them feel at home in your school. Introduce them to other students. Get to know at least one student unfamiliar to you each week.
• Start (or sign up for) a “peace pledge” campaign, in which students promise to settle disagreements without violence, to reject weapons and to work toward a safe campus for all. Try for 100% participation.

You can also protect your child by ensuring that you have an active role in his or her life. The National PTA suggests the following methods for curing teenage violence through continued involvement in your child’s life:

• Talk to your child . Keeping the lines of communication open with your child is an important step to keeping involved in his or her schoolwork, friends and activities. Communicating with your child does not have to be a game of 20 questions – ask open-ended questions and use phrases such as “tell me more” and “what do you think?” Phrases like these show your child that you are listening and that you want to hear more about his or her opinions, ideas and how he or she views the world. Start important discussions with your child – about violence, smoking, drugs, sex, drinking and death – even if the topics are difficult or embarrassing. Don’t wait for your child to come to you.
• Set clear rules and limits for your child . Children need clearly defined rules and limits set for them so that they know what is expected of them and the consequences for not complying. When setting family rules and limits, be sure your child understands the purpose behind the rules and be consistent in enforcing them. Discipline is more effective if your child has been involved in establishing the rules and, oftentimes, in deciding the consequences. Work together to set limits for behavior at home and at school. Remember to be fair and flexible – as your child grows older, he or she becomes ready for expanded rights and changes in rules and limits. You also need to model appropriate and positive behaviors. When parents say one thing and do another, they lose credibility with their children. Show your child through your actions how to adhere to rules and regulations, be responsible, have empathy toward others, control anger and manage stress.
• Know the warning signs . Knowing what’s normal behavior for your son or daughter can help you recognize even small changes in behavior and give you an early warning that something is troubling your child. Sudden changes – from subtle to dramatic – should alert you to potential problems. These could include withdrawal from friends, decline in grades, abruptly quitting sports or clubs your child had previously enjoyed, sleep disruptions, eating problems, evasiveness, lying and chronic physical complaints (stomachache or headaches). Know your child well, and know the early warning signs.
• Don’t be afraid to parent and know when to intervene . Parents need to step in and intervene when children exhibit behavior or attitudes that could potentially harm them or others. It’s OK to be concerned when you notice warning signs in a child, and it’s even more appropriate to do something about those concerns. Concerned parents should seek a diagnosis from a doctor, school counselor or other mental health professional trained to assess young people. And you don’t have to deal with problems alone – the most effective interventions have parent, school and health professionals working together to provide on-going monitoring and support.
• Stay involved in your child’s school . Show your child you believe education is important and that you want your child to do his or her best in school by being involved in his or her education. Get to know your child’s teachers and help them get to know you and your child. Communicate with your child’s teachers throughout the school year, not just when problems arise. Stay informed of school events, class projects and homework assignments. Attend all parent orientation activities and parent-teacher conferences. Volunteer to assist with school functions and join your local PTA. Help your child seek a balance between schoolwork and outside activities.
• Join your PTA or a violence prevention coalition . All parents, students, school staff and members of the community need to be a part of creating safe school environments for children. Many PTAs and other school-based groups are working to identify the problems and causes of school violence and possible solutions for violence prevention. When people work together for a common cause, great things can happen. According to the NCPC, the crime rate can decrease by as much as 30% when a violence prevention initiative is a community-wide effort. Find out what violence prevention programs or community groups are already working together in your area. Contact those that interest you the most and ask how you can join or support their efforts.
• Help develop a school violence prevention and response plan. School communities that have violence prevention plans and crisis management teams in place are more prepared to identify and avert potential problems and to know what to do when a crisis happens. The most effective violence prevention and response plans are developed in cooperation with school and health officials, parents and community members. These plans include descriptions of school safety policies, early warning signs, intervention strategies, emergency response plans and post-crisis procedures. Last summer, the U.S. Department of Education and the Department of Justice developed the resource ‘Early Warning, Timely Response: A Guide to Safe Schools” to help adults reach out to troubled children quickly and effectively.

American Academy of Adolescent & Child Psychiatry
American Psychological Association
National Center for Victims of Crime
National Council on Crime and Delinquency
National Crime Prevention Council
National PTA