Jason Dee wanted to attend his nearby state college. His application was rejected.

“That was not a good feeling,” he says.

He had high enough SAT scores, and all As senior year. But sophomore and junior years he was distracted and his grades suffered.

“My parents went through a pretty intense divorce, my dad went through some financial and legal troubles that were definitely in the back of my mind,” says Jason.

If only there was a way he could explain that to the college, Jason thought, they might reconsider. It turns out, there was a way. It was in the small print at the end of the rejection letter.

“Somewhere along the lines of ‘if there’s some extenuating circumstances that we need to know about … please feel free to elaborate on that,” says Jason.

In fact, in the past few years, many colleges across the country have begun offering students a chance to appeal rejections. Admission offices consider circumstances such as an illness, pregnancy, and family problems.

By Larry Eldridge, Jr.
CWK Network, Inc.

Before you and your child begin the college application process, it’s important to separate fact from fiction. Experts at Stanford University have compiled a list of the top 10 myths surrounding the college application process. Each myth is followed by a fact related to it.

• My child can’t afford college. Students and parents typically overestimate the cost of college.
• My child has to be a stellar athlete or top student to get a scholarship or financial aid. Most students can apply for and receive some form of financial aid.
• Meeting high school graduation requirements will prepare my child for college. Adequate preparation for college usually requires a more demanding curriculum than minimum high school graduation requirements — sometimes even if that curriculum is termed “college prep.”
• Getting into college is the hardest part. For most students, the hardest part is completing college.
• Community colleges don’t have academic standards. Usually, s tudents must take placement tests at community colleges or prior to admission in order to qualify for college-level work.
• It’s better to take easier classes in high school and get better grades. One of the best predictors of college success is taking rigorous high-school classes. Getting good grades in lower-level classes will not prepare students as well for college-level work.
• My child’s senior year in high school doesn’t matter. The classes students take in their senior year will often determine the classes they are able to take in college and how well prepared they are for those classes.
• My child doesn’t have to worry about grades, or what classes he/she takes, until sophomore year. Many colleges look at sophomore grades. But more importantly, in order to enroll in college-level courses, students need to be well prepared academically. This means taking a well thought- out series of courses starting no later than ninth or 10th grade.
• We can’t start thinking about financial aid until we know which college our child will attend. Students need to file a federal aid form long before most colleges send out acceptance letters. This also applies to students who attend community colleges, even though they can apply and enroll in the fall of the year they wish to attend.
• My child can take whatever classes he/she wants when he/she gets to college. Most colleges and universities require students to take placement exams in core sub

By Larry Eldridge, Jr.
CWK Network, Inc.

If your child has been waitlisted at a college or has his/her acceptance has been deferred, don’t panic – you’re not alone! In fact, the increase in college applications has led to a higher number of students finding themselves on the outside of the dorm room looking in. The following tips from CollegeConfidential.com were developed by a mother whose daughter’s admissions decision was deferred on December 17 of her senior year, and was finally accepted on March 17.

• Read the deferral or waitlist letter very carefully. There may be some hints as to what you can do to strengthen your application. Our daughter’s letter suggested that students send additional recommendations, writing samples or write a letter to the admissions committee. My daughter did all of these things over the course of two-and-a-half months.
• Make a phone call. I think it is imperative that the student do this rather than relying on the parent. My daughter was in tears and didn’t know if she could do it, but she left a voicemail message for her area admissions representative who called back promptly. I shamelessly eavesdropped on the conversation and observed that my daughter began to smile within a few minutes.
• Involve high school personnel – Use your child’s school guidance counselor, college counselor (if the school has one – ours doesn’t) or any other similar resource. My daughter’s guidance counselor is overworked – it’s a fairly large public high school with a small guidance staff. Our guidance office also pushes the state university system. Although the counselor wasn’t very familiar with my daughter’s college choice, she instantly made a phone call on my daughter’s behalf, which was her suggestion, and was able to discern that my daughter was near the top of the deferred pile (a crucial clue).
• If you have a special talent, use it! Since my daughter is a musician, and I am not aware of too many schools recruiting for orchestra members, she took it upon herself to make herself known to the music community at her chosen college. She contacted a teacher of her instrument, took a lesson and asked the orchestra conductor to listen to her play. Fortunately, our proximity to the college allowed for this. If you can’t do this, make a quality tape and send it. If it’s a another type of talent – art, sports, debate — send a video or a portfolio. The professor and conductor were both very impressed with my daughter and made phone calls to admissions on her behalf. This certainly helped.
• Finally, recognize that you have very little control here , and very little say about what is happening in the admissions decision process. Colleges will choose the students they want in order to assemble the class they want. However, our daughter embarked on this process with our full support. We will never know whether it was one of the letters she sent, the additional recommendation, the paper she sent from the college course she is currently taking, or the phone calls from the music department (or none of the above). Likewise, we will never know if she would have been admitted without doing any of the above.

College Confidential
Stanford University Bridge Project
Futazi

“And I got so fixated on the idea that I wanted to
go … that was my first choice, that’s where I
wanted to go, that’s my college years,” she says.

She applied, then she waited and waited. Finally, early this
month, she received the letter.

“I am sorry to tell you that we are not able to offer
you a place in the class of 2007,” Jessie reads from
the letter.

She was devastated.

“Actually, I think tears came to my eyes. I was just
sad. I was disappointed,” she says.

Jessie is not alone. At some of the most competitive colleges,
at least half of all applicants are rejected. Experts say
even though parents may be disappointed, too, this is the
time to support the teen.

“Give them a big hug and say it’s OK, it’s
not the end and things will work out the way they’re
supposed to. I think that’s very important to share
with them,” says Gail Polizzi, a high school career
counselor.

“That’s a good time for the parent to share some
of their own experiences of rejection or loss,” adds
Dr. Alexandra Phipps, a psychologist.

Dr. Phipps says that parents should also remind their teen
that many of the most accomplished people in the world were
rejected by a college, a publisher or a prospective employer
and that, to some extent, it’s a matter of luck.

Jessie agrees: “I think it sort of is a lottery, and
I think some schools really are like, ‘Oh, we need a
cello player, we’re going to let this person in even
though someone else is just as qualified’ because they
do have to fill slots.”

As it turns out, another university accepted Jessie. After
a recent visit, she realized the students, teachers and atmosphere
at this college might be a better match for her than the college
that rejected her.

“I’m beginning to feel like maybe it was, it
sort of happened for a reason and it’s working out really
well,” she says.

Not making the team
or not being accepted to a first-choice college isn’t
the end of the world, but for a teen who has experienced this
type of rejection, it can be a very difficult time.

A lot of negative emotions are typical, according to sports
psychologist Rick Van Haveren.

“[They may be feeling] sadness, disappointment, perhaps
confusion … maybe some feelings of low self-worth, self-esteem,”
Van Haveren says.

He says it’s helpful for parents to praise children
for their effort.

“Reward them for other areas where they have relative
strengths,” he says. “And sometimes that can help
to build up positive feelings about their self-esteem and
allow them to go back and try out for that team again.”

Sometimes, a child’s failure to make
the team or earn acceptance into a particular college can
lead to anxiety and even depression. Depression among teens
is increasing at “an alarming rate,” according
to the National Mental Health Association (NMHA). The NMHA
says as many as one in five teens suffers from clinical depression
at some time during their lives. Depression can take several
forms, including bipolar disorder (formerly known as manic
depression). It can be difficult to diagnose in teens because
adults often expect teens to be moody, and they often are.
But depression is more than typical moodiness.

The following symptoms may indicate depression, particularly
when they last for more than two weeks, in your teen:

• Poor performance in school
• Withdrawal from friends and activities
• Sadness and hopelessness
• Lack of enthusiasm, energy or motivation
• Anger and rage
• Overreaction to criticism
• Feelings of being unable to satisfy ideals
• Poor self-esteem or guilt
• Indecision, lack of concentration or forgetfulness
• Restlessness and agitation
• Changes in eating or sleeping patterns
• Substance abuse
• Problems with authority
• Suicidal thoughts or actions

It is extremely important that depressed teens receive prompt,
professional treatment. Depression is serious and, if left
untreated, can worsen to the point of becoming life threatening.
If depressed teens refuse treatment, it may be necessary for
family members or other concerned adults to seek professional
advice. Contact your local mental health association or a
school counselor for suggestions on treatment.

National Mental
Health Association