Shower Anxiety

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Education Feature

Shower Anxiety

By Karen Savage
CWK Producer

 
“I don’t think it’s something a parent can ignore. I think they need to talk it over with their kids and find out what the source of the issue is. Is it an embarrassment issue? Is it an exposing of genitalia issue? Is it some perceived body flaw that they’re all freaked out about.”
–

Stephen Mathis, Psy.D., Psychologist –

Most people would assume that after gym class, then come showers before kids head back to class. But that may not be the case for many kids.

13 year-old Shane Campbell says, “We don’t really take showers. We just change and then go.”

“A lot of people would just put on a lot of cologne and go out into the school,” says 18 year-old Ming Lee.

And 17 year-old Mimie Walker adds, “I don’t feel comfortable in front of a whole bunch of people taking showers in community showers.”

That discomfort may not seem like a big deal, but “I don’t think it’s something a parent can ignore. I think they need to talk it over with their kids and find out what the source of the issue is. Is it an embarrassment issue? Is it an exposing of genitalia issue? Is it some perceived body flaw that they’re all freaked out about,” says psychologist Stephen Mathis, Psy.D.

Yet another possible worry could be what happens to some kids in the locker room.

15 year-old Desmond Bawl has seen how some kids are treated. “Sometimes they like to pick on them. They get like, real mean, just be hitting them and stuff, wedgies, all type of stuff,” he says.

The bullying, the teasing, and the embarrassment have made many kids avoid the shower room altogether.

Experts say one solution to the problem would be individual showers, but that’s expensive and may not be an option.

So what can parents do?

One idea is to tell kids to pretend to be more confident than they really are.

Mathis advises, “don’t look around the room and look like a scared doe in the headlights, even though you are. If you’ve got kids who are prone to tease you about that kind of thing, that’s only going to make the taunting worse.”

And experts say, let kids know they’re not alone. Most kids feel exactly the same.

“They may not be showing it. They may not be talking about it. But I’d be willing to bet dollars to donuts they’re thinking about it at some level,” says Mathis.

 
Related
Information

By Larry Eldridge, Jr.
CWK Network, Inc.

The root of why many students won’t take public showers after gym class may stem from their levels of self-esteem. Self-esteem is usually based on how well people have handled past situations throughout their lifetime. People who believe they have handled themselves well and did the best they could will typically have a higher self-esteem than those who doubt their decisions and previous actions. According to experts at Not My Kid, Inc., it also refers to how children feel about themselves and expect to be accepted and valued by others who are important to them. Since it is important for them to feel accepted, a healthy sense of self is crucial for determining how they will interact with others.

Self-esteem is a lifelong developmental process whose roots are established in early childhood. A child’s sense of identity is developed through their view of acceptance, competence and moral virtues. Children play an active role in their self-development, as do parents, friends, siblings, teachers and classmates. Teaching children coping skills and problem-solving techniques reinforces positive self-esteem by enabling them to think strategically and achieve personally desired goals.

 

By Larry Eldridge, Jr.
CWK Network, Inc.

The best way for parents to help children with low self-esteem is to take action. Experts have developed a list of things your child can do to help build self-esteem. You can also encourage you child to do these things by first doing them yourself.

  • Be on time for everything. You show respect for others and they will trust you. Those who respect others do not cheat, deceive or steal and are trusted.
  • Be clean. Consistently groom your body, organize your space and donate to others. Nurture your body and your relationships and you will be confident.
  • Say only supportive things to yourself. Convert negative thoughts to think positively about yourself and others. You will be loyal.
  • Keep your conscience clean. Talk to someone you trust. To confess is to heal. Have courage to do the right things and you will build a good reputation.
  • Take responsibility for your actions and choices – forgive yourself and others. Forgive and forget the incident and you will be tranquil.
  • Put your desires in writing. You must know what you want to have it. Clarity makes one powerful. Be aware and appreciate the good in your life daily. This keeps you in the present and you will be gracious.
  • Share your knowledge with those who wish to know. Contribute and participate and you will be joyful.
  • Do what you love to do where you want to be. You will be happy.
  • Do what you say you will do when you say you will do it, whether you feel like it or not. Keep your word and you will be reliable.
  • Tell your truth in the moment. Don’t wait for the “right” time. You will be accountable for your choices.
  • Be calm and alone for at least 24 minutes daily (one minute for every hour of the day). Pray, meditate or experience nature and you will be peaceful.

In addition, experts have listed the following suggestions to help build high self-esteem in your child:

  • Praise each child’s successes (even very small ones). Praise each child who tries hard. However, be leery of giving empty praise (i.e. praise for just “showing up” or for mediocre grades).
  • Give sincere affection. Let children know that they are loved and wanted.
  • Show interest in each child’s activities, projects or problems.
  • Tell children what to do instead of what not to do. This prepares them for what to do. For instance, instead of saying, “Don’t throw the ball,” say “Roll the ball on the floor.” Also, instead of “Don’t squeeze the kitten,” say, “Hold the kitten gently.”
  • Let children know that mistakes are a natural part of growing up. Everyone (including adults) makes mistakes.
  • Try to ignore temper tantrums and other negative behavior as much as possible.
  • Show appreciation when children cooperate, help you, say kind things to other children, obey the rules and do other positive things.
  • Remember that learning new skills takes time and practice. Children do not learn new skills all at once.
  • Respond affectionately when children behave well. Tell children what you like about their behavior.
  • Let children know that you believe in them and expect them to do well.
  • Accept and respect each child’s family and culture.
  • Provide activities at which your day-care children are likely to succeed.
  • When a child misbehaves, separate the misbehavior from the child. For example, say “I don’t like it when you throw toys, but I still like you. I know you will do better tomorrow.” Let the child know you believe in him or her.

National Association of Self-Esteem
National Network for Child Care
Self-Esteem Learning Foundation