“We need to grow up and be more responsible as adults, as Americans - who have so much information at hand, and yet we're so afraid of sex that we won't even teach our own children.”
– Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D., Child Psychologist
New data from the Guttmacher Institute finds that after a decade of decline, the teen pregnancy rate in America is up three percent. Experts say one reason may be that kids aren't getting comprehensive sex education- either in school or at home.
Seventeen-year-old Candice and her boyfriend are about to become parents.
"I had gone to the doctor's and they were like 'Yeah, you're pregnant. And then when they told me is when I started crying," Candice remembers.
Her dad, Mark Steadman, didn't know she had been having sex.
"She's my baby girl," says Steadman. "And as far as I was concerned, she was not having sex, she's not drinking, she's not doing drugs."
He says he's never really talked to his daughter about sex. "It really wasn't a conversation, you know, looking back," says Mark. "It was, you know, 'wait, just wait.' But we never really got into real in-depth discussions."
According to a survey in the Journal Pediatrics, almost half of teens had intercourse before their parents got around to talking with them about STDs or birth control.
"What I didn't know," says Candice, "was that just missing 2 pills for one month could get you pregnant."
"We need to grow up and be more responsible as adults, as Americans," says UCLA psychologist Dr. Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, "who have so much information at hand, and yet we're so afraid of sex that we won't even teach our own children."
Experts say one reason parents are afraid to teach kids about sex is they don't want to answer questions about their own past.
"You start thinking, well, you know if I say that they're going to say, 'Well, dad did that and he turned out okay. So, I can do it too,'" says Mark. "So the tendency is to want to lie and say, 'Well, I never did anything like that.'"
"The kids are going to be making the decisions based on something," explains child psychologist Dr. Nancy McGarrah. "It would be nice for them to make some of their decision based on the wisdom from the parents, and the experience base that those parents have to say, 'Maybe I made some bad decisions when I was 15, and here are the consequences that happened from that.'"
According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, kids say they have specific questions about sex that they would like their parents to address including:
- How will I know if I'm in love?
- Will sex bring me closer to my boyfriend or girlfriend?
- How will I know when I'm ready for sex?
- Should I wait until I'm married?
- Will having sex make me more popular?
- How do I tell my boyfriend I don't want to have sex without losing him?
- Can you get pregnant the first time?
- How does contraception work?
- Are some methods of contraception better than others?
- Is contraception safe?
Experts advise parents to monitor their teen's activities. If your children get out of school at 3:00 pm and you don't get home from work until 6:00 pm, are your children engaged in useful and supervised activities? Research shows it is during the after-school hours when kids are likely to experiment with sex, alcohol and drugs.
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy discourages allowing teens to date one-on-one before the age of 16. Also, try setting a limit of a two-year age difference between your child and who they are dating.
What We Need To Know
Open communication and accurate information from parents increase the chance that teens will postpone sex. According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, in talking with your child or adolescent, it is helpful to:
- Encourage your child to talk and ask questions.
- Maintain a calm and non-critical atmosphere for discussions.
- Use words that are understandable and comfortable.
- Try to determine your child's level of knowledge and understanding.
- Keep your sense of humor and don't be afraid to talk about your own discomfort.
- Relate sex to love, intimacy, caring and respect for oneself and one's partner.
- Be open in sharing your values and concerns.
- Discuss the importance of responsibility for choices and decisions.
- Help your child to consider the pros and cons of choices.
By developing open, honest and ongoing communication about responsibility, sex and choice, parents can help their youngsters learn about sex in a healthy and positive manner.
Resources
- American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
- Centers for Disease Control & Prevention
- National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy